Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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