you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
