I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
