Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
