C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
