i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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