just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
