we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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