..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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