Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
