i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The convent might be a nice break from real life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
