i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
