Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
tell me about the fingering
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