someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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