one word: firstdatebathroomanal
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
