Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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