I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
