I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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