just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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