he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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