I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
