The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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