If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
