Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
