I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
