SEEEEXXX PLEASE
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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