Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
