I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
