The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
