when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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