Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
