I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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