I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want a musical about memes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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