It's Friday. Sex?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
