tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
