i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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