his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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