My Higher Power is John Stamos
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
