Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Enjoy the penises
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
