Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
