considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
