if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
