i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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