who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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