non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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