I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
