Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
