was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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