are you so shy because you have an std?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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