If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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